FISTING TECHNICS

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My last post on fisting got such a good response that I thought I’d share just a little more. If you have tried fisting and like it you may get some use from this as guide to a few more vaginal fisting techniques that can make those intimate fisting sessions even more intense and satisfying.

If you have never tried fisting, read one of the beginner’s guides or how-tos on the internet. If you have tried fisting, then read on below -happy fisting!

 

Knuckles Only

Roll the tips of your knuckles across the top of the vaginal opening. Your raised knuckles provide bumps of pure pleasure and are a great way to get your partner´s pussy loosened up for further exploration.

 

Open Palm Fisting

Work your entire hand into the vagina with the palm open. Keep your fingers rigid and together as you insert and retract your entire hand into and out of her vagina. As you progress, you can add a little finger motion during each insertion. Watch your partner closely to make sure she is not in pain.

 

Open Fingers Fisting

As with the Open Palm technique, you insert your hand into the vagina, but with your fingers spread apart. You may find that you have to stretch around a bit inside the canal to get some space. The individual fingertips provide for different depths, pressures, and styles of stimulation simultaneously. Wiggle them a little for added delight.

 

Finger Wave

During fisting, with your hand completely inserted into the vagina and your fingers extended open, begin to do the “Wave” with your fingers. Go back and forth or stay in one direction – both techniques are fabulous.

 

Twisting

While fisting with a closed fist inserted well into the vagina, slowly twist your entire arm back and forth. The vagina will receive stimulation from the entire area in contact. This technique can quickly become overpowering and painful, so watch your partner closely.

Adding some of these techniques to your fisting repertoire will give you enough variety to stimulate and please your partner. Watch your partner’s face all the time for signals of pleasure and/or pain. Keep going with what works for you. It may take several sessions of experimentation to find the techniques that work best for you, or you may get it right on the first try. Either way, stay patient and enjoy the excitement.

I hope some of you have tried fisting after reading my last blog post and have reaped the rewards and I would love to hear about. 

HAPPY ORGASMS!!!

A THANK YOU GOES OUT TO MR. SMITH AND MADMADDY FOR THEIR CONTRIBUTIONS AND TO ALL OF YOU FOR LETTING ME SHARE!!

 

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THE ART OF FISTING

There are many people who have never heard of fisting, or have no idea what is really involved.

There are two types of fisting, vaginal and anal, this article is focused on vaginal fisting.

First off, I would like to bust the biggest myth about fisting.

It is NOT true that your partner must be “well used”, or “worn out” in order to insert your fist.

The human vagina is incredibly resilient, and muscle tone allows women to give birth, but also to tighten down enough to grasp a finger.

Fisting can be an intense sexual experience for both partners, one that requires a lot of trust, communication, time and lube. (I apologize before hand for the length)

 

 

The Art and Pleasure of “Fisting!”

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First of all, your goal when fisting a partner should be to cause no damage, not just to minimize damage.

Like any other kind of anal or vaginal play, fisting should not cause pain or serious physical trauma.

Pain or severe discomfort is a sign that your body is not ready or relaxed enough for this type of play.

It is extremely important for both partners to communicate to each other about this and to stop if the partner who is being penetrated feels any pain.

Sometimes, even if you have fisted or been fisted by a partner before, the body will just not be able to accept a whole hand, and the best thing to do in that case is to acknowledge that it’s not going to happen and move on to another type of enjoyable play.

Never force the process.

Second, realize that fisting is indeed a process.

You are not going to squeeze your hand into someone’s body cavity without a lot of warm-up.

You can begin with some non-penetrative activities that will get blood moving to the recipient’s pelvis-any kind of genital or anal stimulation that they find enjoyable.

A word of caution, the skin of the vaginal lips, as well as the interior skin is very sensitive, and prone to small tears, unless caution (and patience) is used, infection can occur with these tears.

Things will go smoothly if both partners are patient, and some simple precautions are observed.

First, it is important for the fister to thoroughly wash his or her hands.

It is also helpful if the fistee is shaved, or at least trimmed of pubic hair.

The fister must also make sure that the fingernails are trimmed, and have no ragged edges.

 

There are four ground rules:

 

Rule 1: Patience

Almost everyone with a can be fisted.

However, not every vagina can be fisted by every hand, and not every vagina can be fisted right away.

Sometimes, a hand is just too big, and no matter how much lube, relaxation, laughter, trust, patience, time, fun, etc there is, it’s not going to happen.

That said, most people can make it work with their chosen partner.

This does not mean that it will happen overnight.

Sometimes it will.

Sometimes it can take a few tries.

And sometimes, this is a month’s long endeavor.

Each woman’s body is very different, and so is her ability to be fisted.

So do not try to hurry it, to force it, anything like that.

 

Rule 2: It is a journey, not a goal

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Your body knows what is up; it is connected to your brain.

So when you think “ok, I HAVE to have that whole hand in here tonight, no matter what,” your vagina might be like “Um, ‘scuse me, but HELLLL NO.”

The more pressure you place on yourself to have a sexual goal (orgasm, ejaculation, fisting, etc), often times the more it stresses you out, begins to shut your body down, and make it impossible.

Fisting IS another way of sharing “sexual intimacy”, let it be one of those things that is fabulous if/when it does happen, but is not the end all, be all of sex.

Have fun getting two fingers in, fucking with three, exploring with four.

A whole hand is cool, but it is not everything.

Enjoy exploring each other, and if fisting happens, then great.

 

Rule 3: Lube0027086_006iaa

People always laugh when I say this, but I am dead serious.

Some women produce a lot of natural juices, some women don’t (for various reasons; allergy meds, hormonal birth control, stress, etc).

Natural lubrication is NOT an indication of turned on a woman is.

If you really want to know if she is excited, and her sounds and actions do not help you know,

ASK HER.

Don’t use her natural juices as a barometer.

That said, fisting requires lube.

Natural juices are great, but over time, women tend to run out, dry up a little, your hand (if you are not wearing a glove) absorbs a lot of her natural juices, it gets sticky, there is not as much as you would like.

And so on.

So get some.

Both water based and silicone based lube are great for fisting; usually, the thicker, the better.

I personally love Maximus, which is a gel-like water based, glycerin free lube in an easy access pump bottle.

Sliquid Organics is a great all natural lube, and Eros Bodyglide is a favorite silicone lube.

Make sure it is within easy access, because you only have one free hand.

Pump tops are great; otherwise, remove the top before you begin.

Make sure you have lube all the way around your hand, and keep adding as needed.

If water-based lube dries out, just add water (spit, squirt gun, spray bottle, etc) to reactivate it.

If you still need more lube, add more.

It is very difficult to have TOO much lubrication during fisting.

As a side note, using latex or nitrile gloves during fisting can make it an even better experience.

You do not have to worry about rough skin or hang nails hurting the fistee, and the fister’s hand won’t get all prune-y.

Also, gloves do not absorb lube, so a little bit will go a longer way.

And of course, gloves are great for having safer sex, so you are not worrying about the transfer of any fluids.

Rule 4: Communicate

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You HAVE to communicate, especially the first couple of times you do this.

This is NOT the time to try out the new ball gag and bondage.

Communicate.

Talk, feel, touch.

However you and your partner communicate, make sure you do it.

Have the fistee let the fister know how things are going, whether they need more time/stimulation/lube before moving to the next level, or whether they want the fister to go all the way.

Make sure the fister communicates whether they are getting a hand cramp, getting tired, need a drink of water, etc.

You think I’m joking, but when you are trying to stick a whole hand into a relatively small hole, communicating is really important.

Once you get towards the very end, when it’s almost all the way in, many fisters like to check in with the fistee, asking them whether they should push their whole hand in past that stubborn area, or whether the fistee wants to ease them self-down onto the fisters hand.

It can go either way, but make sure both of you know which it is going to be; other wise, it can be a bit awkward.

Fisting Method

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When she is ready for penetration, insert one or two fingers into your lovers vagina and massage your partner internally to begin to relax the PC and/or sphincter muscles.

It is important to use lots of lubricant during this process!

Your partner can let you know when they are ready for three or four fingers.

You will find it easiest to insert your fingers in a “V” shape, with all four fingers coming together in a point like a bird’s beak.

At this point, your fingers are not in any way in the shape of a fist!

The most intense part of the process, and the point at which many men and women get stuck and realize that they may have to stop, is inserting the thumb (again in a “V” shape with the rest of the fingers) and then getting past the knuckles, since this is the widest part of the hand.

This requires a lot of relaxation on the part of the receiving lover, who may find it helpful to bear down with her PC muscles.

Men and women with smaller hands will find this step easier to accomplish than men and women with larger hands (no surprise there).

Once past the knuckles, the inserting lover may find that the rest of their hand is naturally pulled into the vagina and that their fingers and thumb curl into a ball.

Once the hand is inside, the lover who is being penetrated may want their partner to stop all movement, may want to rhythmically clench and release their PC muscles, or may want their partner to gently and slowly rotate their hand or lightly flex their thumb and fingers.

Even the smallest movement may feel like an earthquake to the person being fisted.

Experiment with what feels good in this position, including stimulation of the external genitals or other parts of the body.

Ladies, once your partners hand is all the way inside you, you may find that you have the urge to urinate, so it is usually a good idea to empty your bladder before you start, unless you are both really into water sports. (Which Can Be Quite Fun)

And do not worry about telling your partner when enough is enough, give them directions, how to move their hand, how fast, how slow, how much, etc.

Guys, no matter how much she likes your sense of humor, crude remarks or jokes are definitely NOT a good idea.

Remember, the vagina is more muscle than anything else, and one good squeeze could injure your hand.

A little movement can go a long way, there is no need for you to get carried away at first and just start ramming your arm in and out.

If you are patient and take the time to let her build up, (usually after several orgasms) she may lose control and tell you just to fuck the shit out of her with your hand.

Guys, you HAVE to LISTEN to your woman, you may be getting a charge out of this, but this is ultimately for HER pleasure!

Another big no-no is the sudden removal of your hand.

It was not easy to get in there, and therefore should be removed with care, again, pay attention to her reactions, know when to slow down, or take a break.

And talk to her; let her know you are there.

When done with care, consideration, and yes, PATIENCE, fisting can be a wonderful sexual outlet for you both.

Lovers who enjoy fisting like it because of the intense connection it can create between partners, because of the feeling of vaginal fullness created by the hand, or because the process of opening up your own or someone else’s body in this way is a unique experience.

It’s not for everyone, and some lovers may find it impossible depending on the size of their body and the size of their partner’s hand, but it is in no way unusual or damaging.

Remember if you cannot physical get to enjoy the intense pleasure and intimacy fisting can be.

There are so many others ways you can enjoy the intimacy and sexual experience of each other.

Fisting is just another way of experiencing the sensual-sexuality of each other.

 

 

 

 

REMEMBER LADIES

There may be some pain and discomfort the first time you try fisting but wasn’t that the case with your first anal experiences? The pain passes quickly as the hand slips all the way in, and is replaced by a strange feeling of relief, and the throbbing intensity of feeling fuller than you’ve ever felt before. You will want to just sit with it, be with it, figure out this feeling so unlike anything else.

No sex act has the capacity to reach quite that same sweet mix of pleasure, pain, and endorphins as fisting!

REMEMBER GUYS

When she cum……..and she will cum, be prepared for the pussy grip of death, because it will happen. She might even flood the room. I have had fistees that had never squirted before in their life all of a sudden become Niagara falls with a bit of fist play. While she is cumming, let her push you out. This is the best way to disengage from the beast within. If you cannot handle the pain of your hand crushing anymore, let her know so that she can assist you in retrieving your hand from the digit destroyer.

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LAST BUT NOT LEAST

Fisting can be quite an emotional ordeal for the fistee.

You will feel impossibly close to your partner and vulnerable and raw. You’ll also feel like you’re floating on another planet where nothing matters but the showers of dopamine and endorphins your brain is issuing forth. You can have an orgasm while full of someone’s hand, but the orgasm will seem beside the point, a simple means to an end. Just the intimacy and trust of being that full, riding on the sensations so different from anything else, is incredible. It can feel like being high, post-verbal and dissociative.

Afterwards you feel tired, and relaxed, and totally satiated. You want cuddles and ice cream and to fall asleep.

The trust and closeness that is shared during the fisting is something that should carry over into aftercare. Be aware of your fistee and her feelings, which can run the whole scale from elation to depression and everything in between.

Provide a warm blanket and a quiet, safe, place for her to rest with you close by. Re-assure the fistee!!! Even if she is unable to take a fist the first, second, or any time at all you should make sure that she is aware that it is ok, and not her fault. Anatomy does not always give you a choice in the matter. Holding her, talking to her, allowing time to regroup are all ways to assure adequate aftercare. Make sure there is food and drink on hand as well. This should all be a part of most any scene in our lifestyle. 

A LARGE THANKS GOES OUT TO ANGE FONCE FOR CONTRIBUTING AND TO ALL OF YOU FOR LETTING ME SHARE!!

 

DADDY DOM

I Hope everyone is having a great Tuesday! Remember, I have much love for you all! 

Sense I started this blog I have met a lot of interesting beautiful people! 

I’ve met a lot of wonderful little’s that I simply adore! 

Today, I’d like to talk about their Daddy/Dom. Hope you enjoy my post… 

 

What Is A Daddy Dom?

 

A Daddy-Dom is simply the Dominant partner in a D/s relationship. Like a Master or Dom, a Daddy is the top in their relationship and owns or cares for the submissive. Depending on your own personal preferences and relationship dynamic, a Daddy can be many things to his little but there are some generalities that exist in most Daddy/little relationships.

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His love for his babygirl goes without question. He loves her as much for who she is, as for what she will become with His guidance. She is …… His prized possession. a Daddy’s eyes will light up when she comes into a room and take great pride in her success’s. After all, He helped to create her. She holds the tenderest part of His heart and has greatest power to hurt Him.

This love would not be possible without respect. A Daddy Dom needs to feel pride in his little girl. He needs to know she can hold her own in the outside world and still submit to Him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift she has given Him and takes great pains to increase its value. It is extremely important to Him to know she can be with any man and she chooses to be with Him.

He knows that this makes discipline a priority in their lives, His discipline is more important than in some other D/s relationships. In order for the little to really trust, she must know He means what He says. If His little girl is going to be the best she can possibly be He must stand firm. He uses his experience in life and His knowledge of her to provide proper direction and punishment when the need arises.

If He does not enforce discipline, this respect becomes a tenuous thing. If His submissive finds that she can manipulate Him out of punishing her, she begins to lose respect and the ability to empower becomes impeded. He understands that it becomes increasingly difficult to be possessed by someone you do not respect.

This takes great strength on His part. It takes strength to control her, and to shape her to His needs and desires. It takes strength to be her confidant, her shoulder, her anchor. It takes strength to let her out into the world when all He wants to do is hold her safe in His arms. And it takes strength to do what is necessary when she needs to be disciplined.

A Daddy Dom provides something else that is very important to His submissive…acceptance. She is safe in His arms because He knows her, everything about her, and He still loves her. When she goes to Him she knows that this Man knows all of her dirty little secrets and it doesn’t matter. To Him she is and always will be beautiful.

A Daddy Dom and a Sadistic Dom are by no means mutually exclusive. Many Daddy Doms embrace their sadism while understanding and feeding their submissive’s masochism. This balance is necessary to many lilgirls because it allows all parts of her to be nourished, leading to an incredibly fulfilling relationship.

I think most Dominants have a bit of the Daddy in them; taking on the role of Male authority figure in the submissive’s life and using their power to enrich that life. Daddy/little verbalizes that feeling, and adds a dimension of warmth, caring, and ritual that its participants crave.

Perhaps a Daddy Dom is something only a little can understand.

Daddy as a Father

Unlike age players or role players, Daddies do not consider themselves a father to their little. They consider their role much like how a Dom would look at their role over their sub. Though their little may call them Daddy, they are not observed as a father and they don’t look at their little as if they were their child.

 

What do Daddy-Doms Do?

Daddies are in charge of their little. While they do not pretend to be their little’s father, they will take on a parental role as the Dominant. They are there to protect, guide, nurture and love their little. While in some D/s relationships, the Dominate may order their submissive frivolously for their own pleasure, a Daddy will order or set rules for their little based on nurturing goals and what is best for their little.

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Why do Daddies like littles?

This can be asked the same for any relationship. Daddies like little’s based on their own personal likes and dislikes and what they find attractive. A Daddy should enjoy the regression that their little naturally does and appreciate the child-like attributes of their little, but they will also find their adult side attractive.

 

The Title Daddy

There is a big difference between Daddy as a title for a Dominant in a D/s relationship and Daddy as a title for a father. While many have some reservations about this title, it is nothing more than that: a title. Daddies are not interested in pedophilia, incest or any other paraphernalia associated with children even though their title is often misunderstood and associated with that.  When a little calls her Daddy by title, the feeling associated is nothing like the feeling she would get when she calls her father the same title. It’s the same with any other multi-use word in our language. For instance, the world love can be used to describe many things. You don’t have the same feelings for when you say you love bubbles as you do when you say you love your spouse.

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Daddies and Sex

A lot of people just starting out in this lifestyle wonder if it’s still okay to have sex. As two consenting partners in a loving relationship, sex should be normal. Just like any other relationship, sex is natural and healthy for growth and bonding. Sex in a Daddy/little relationship is not done like that of role players where the sexual attraction may in some cases stem from deep seeded interest in incest or pedophilia. Sex between a Daddy and his little is just like sex between any people in a relationship; as two consenting adults.

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Daddy-Dom v. Master

Daddies are very similar to Masters but there are some striking differences. First, Daddies cherish their submissive’s little side and encourage her to come out and play. Second, Daddies are strict about different things. Where a Master may be strict about procedure and protocol, Daddies are more concerned with their submissive’s goals and needs. Third, a Daddy can be more playful than most Masters. Masters tend to have to be more rigid with their submissive or slaves. Of course, we aren’t saying Masters are unable to show affection or be playful. But as a Daddy, playfulness is practically a part of the job description. It’s something you would have to do in order to keep up with your little.

 

A BIG THANK YOU GOES OUT TO Llie FOR CONTRIBUTING AND TO ALL OF YOU FOR LETTING ME SHARE!!!

 

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Well Balanced Power Exchange

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I hope you all have a very great day and as the picture states..Enough said..

Here’s a little something I hope you will enjoy reading while taking a breather from the wickedness:

 

 

The Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

The Dom

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The Protector

The Disciplinarian

The Guide

The Nurturer

The Safe Place

The Dom may critique but never criticizes. To critique is to make better. To criticize is to tear down.

The Dom reaches for perfection but practices unconditional acceptance for himself as much as for his sub.

The Dom understands that trust is the most important aspect of a relationship and does everything to protect and nurture that.

The Dom always acts in the highest good of both. If a decision must be made between the Dom or the sub, the highest good of the sub is paramount.

The Dom may endeavor to break a habit but never to break a spirit.

The Dom cherishes the sub above all else as the most prized possession.

The Dom takes ultimate control, in a situation that has gotten out of control, to protect a sub.

The Dom provides discipline as outlined initially or updated in the definition of the relationship agreed upon by both.

The Dom provides aftercare – without exception – after intense play or discipline.

The Dom guides his sub in areas, where necessary, with the goal of improving the sub in areas initially agreed upon by both.

The Dom nurtures when a sub needs it.

The Dom is the sub’s safe place, the place the sub calls “home.” It is a place where unconditional acceptance and compassion are guaranteed.

The Dom honors the power of the submission with which they have been entrusted.

The Sub

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The Protected

The Disciplined

The Guided

The Nurtured

The Safe Place

The sub differentiates between critique and criticism, responding positively to critiques by the Dom.

The sub strives for perfection but practices unconditional acceptance when evaluating her performance.

The sub gives her trust responsibly and earns the Dom’s trust as well, understanding that it is the most important aspect of a relationship.

The sub knows the Dom always acts in the highest good of both. The sub must always communicate her needs in a clear and respectful manner so that the Dom has the important information necessary to maintain His responsibility.

The sub may never endeavor to diminish her quality with self-depreciation.

The sub values herself as a most prized possession, prioritizing her health and well-being.

The sub yields control to her Dom without hesitation in situations that have gotten out of control.

The sub understands discipline as an integral part of the power exchange, designed to assist her in achieving the goals initially outlined in the confines of the relationship.

The sub understands aftercare as a vital part of the play and discipline process and gives herself openly to it.

The sub is charged with using good judgment in self-governance with the goal of improving in areas initially agreed upon by both.

The sub asks for, and accepts, nurturing provided by the Dom. She also maintains a self-care routine mutually agreed upon. This self-care routine may include, but is not limited to manicures, pedicures, meditation, time with friends or exercise.

The sub is the Dom’s safe place, the place the Dom calls “home.” Its a place where unconditional acceptance and compassion are guaranteed.

The sub reverently gives her power of submission. If at any time she feels that her submission is not being treated reverently by her Dom she must seriously consider rescinding it.

The Relationship

A good D/s relationship has all the characteristics of a good vanilla relationship. The relationship must meet the needs of both participants, serving to enhance life and never causing misery.

Once you have found someone with whom you are building a power exchange relationship, communication is the key.

Discovering who each other is, how you have become that person, where you have traveled from and where you see yourself going are all things pertinent to building this relationship. Communication should be easy – without concern and without trying to be something you are not.

Honesty is paramount.

There’s no point in pretending to be someone other than who you are.

Eventually the truth will come to light and the relationship will fall apart.

It is better to be just who you are from the start.

Sharing your dreams, goals and aspirations are as necessary in a power exchange relationship as in any relationship.

Establishing the outline of your relationship will be next.

Your relationship will have a higher chance of success if you discuss your needs and wants at the beginning.

Going into a relationship with unexpressed expectations is a fatal error.

Speak honestly about what you expect from a partner.

What gives you pleasure?

How do you know you are loved?

What are you looking for from a power exchange relationship?

What do you picture the relationship will look like?

What are your hard and soft limits?

Safe words?

Then listen openly to their expectations as well.

Communication is always a two way street.

Once you spend time getting to know each other and discussing the relationship you can relax into the dynamics of the relationship.

See how things flow between you. Reevaluate and assess how things are going.

Are your needs being met?

Does the energy flow between you seem to be easy and reciprocal?

Are you giving as much as you are receiving?

Even though this is a D/s relationship, the needs and input of a sub are as important to the success as the Dom’s.

If there is disappointment then determine if you can redefine some things.

It may even be necessary to end the relationship.

If you decide to continue the relationship, under the same parameters or renegotiated ones, the relationship should proceed to develop smoothly.

Periodic reevaluation is crucial to ensure that both parties’ needs are met as the relationship develops.

Neither party should remain in a relationship that does not serve their highest good.

 

 

 

I’D LIKE TO THANK Gypsy Rose FOR HER CONTRIBUTION AND A BIG THANK YOU TO YOU ALL FOR LETTING ME SHARE!!

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LIMITS

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Today I’d like to share these few tidbits about limits. We all have them; rather it’s in our everyday activities or in our sex life. Be it vanilla or hardcore kinkster and BDSM enthusiast. It least we should have!?

Remember, when it comes to sex, play it safe. Have and use Safe Words!

Enjoy life but know your limits!

 

I Wanna Push Your Limits

Should I put my red flag away now?

You will hear “I wanna push your limits” from some Dom at some stage, so I think its worthwhile talking about what that really means.

LET’S TALK ABOUT CONSENT

Consent flows both ways and both parties have to retain both responsibility and consent.

A bottom can’t say “just go ahead and do whatever you want, and I’ll let you know later if you went too far, when I call the cops”, and a Top can’t say “once we start there’s nothing you can say to stop me, and I’ll go as far as I want”.

In Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) groups you’ll hear people bragging about how they have no limits and no power, because they have given it all to their Dom.

It’s misleading and I don’t buy it.

Nearly always, what they’re really saying is that they have total trust in their partner and over time they’ve built up a kind of telepathic awareness in the relationship, so verbal communication isn’t as necessary anymore.

You never hear CNC people saying “I feel totally unsafe with my partner and that’s hot”. They always feel safe, and the reason for that is that they trust that there is communication and it is being respected.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re communicating with negotiated safe words, normal conversation, body language or telepathy,

If you trust that communication is effective and you are safe with your partner, then there is responsibility and consent.

LIMITS – HARD AND SOFT

Limits and consent is basically the same thing.

You don’t need to sit down and draft out some kind of written agreement on limits, but everyone has the right to refuse to consent to anything, and stating that something is a limit is basically a shorthand way of refusing that consent upfront.

Hard Limits (or Off Limits) are those things that a person will not do under any circumstances.

They exist for things that will change that person’s self-perception negatively (such as evoking shame or disgust), cause emotional pain or bring about consequences they couldn’t live with.

Common hard limits are children, animals, scat, blood and drugs, but every person has the right to set their own limits, to state and enforce them, and to have them respected.

Soft Limits (or Conditional Limits) are limits that we might agree to adjust, modify or re-negotiate with the right person, at the right time, in the right place or in the right circumstances.

Anal sex and photography are common soft limits. In the right circumstances they might be hot, but not with someone you don’t have a significant level of trust and intimacy with.

 

BENDING THE BOUNDARIES

Regardless of how hard, soft, rubbery, elastic or otherwise limits are, it’s up to the person who set it to determine when, with whom or whether they want to “push it”.

If someone says they are not willing or interested in a certain thing, it’s the responsibility of a Top to respect that.

Sometimes, limits are not clear.

For example, a bottom may love the idea of being whipped, but not know how far they can go in that scene.

That’s a form of soft limit, and again it comes down to responsibility and consent.

Consent for a whipping scene is conditional on (verbal or non-verbal) communication within the scene and trust that when the limit becomes clearer and is communicated it will be respected.

 

PERMISSION TO PUSH

An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an outside force

– Newton’s First Law of Motion

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Everyone’s relationship is unique, and the deeper the trust and respect you have for another person, who has taken the time to get to understand you, the more power or authority you may wish to give them. This can include “stretching” or “pushing” your limits.

Giving someone authority to push your limits is seldom about a superficial power trip.

It can foster greater vulnerability, growth, knowledge and intimacy between two people who trust each other.

BDSM is often a tool to break Newton’s Law.

Sometimes, people desire an external force to help them create change in their lives.

Consent doesn’t disappear in these situations.

The bottom wants, and consents to, having their limits “acted upon by an outside force”. They consent to the initiation of change.

 

HOW A TOP CAN DEAL WITH LIMITS

As a Top, you do not have the right to say “you are not allowed to have any limits”.

Both parties have the right to say that there are some things that they simply won’t do.

However, you do have the right to say “for us to have a relationship, this particular thing cannot be a hard limit for you”.

What’s the difference?

There are two situations where this can work:

 

I Wish To Keep This on the Negotiating Table

You can reserve the right to keep asking about something, if you feel that at some time in the future the bottom’s limits may change.

In this case you are keeping a “hard limit” soft.

You can keep asking about it, and if it’s refused then as a responsible Top you must continue to honor the limit.

The Limit Makes or Breaks the Relationship

Negotiations flow both ways.

It’s fine to say “I really get off on flogging and for us to be in a relationship it wouldn’t work for me if you have a hard limit for that”.

This is upfront, clear and (hopefully) doesn’t involve any emotional blackmail.

If the bottom really has a limit on flogging, then the relationship can’t go any further.

You’re not a match.

KEEPING AN OPEN MIND

Limits change over time for everyone.

The things that scared us when we first discovered BDSM don’t scare us anymore.

We taste something we think we won’t like and realize that we want more.

Change is natural, and it’s always worthwhile being introspective once in a while.

Thinking through what makes you hot and hard once in a while might surprise you and help you understand how life’s experiences are changing you.

Be clear in your mind what you will do and what you absolutely won’t, and don’t ever hesitate to communicate your limits and boundaries or insist that they are respected.

 

I’d like to thank all of you for letting me share!!!

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GENTLEMAN DOM

AAHELL1211  great-sunday

 

Sometimes I wonder about myself! We all know I’m a pervert, that’s a given lol!

Am I vanilla with a few sides of kink? Am I a top with a few sides of kink? Am I a switch with a few sides of kink? (Kink seems to be the dominant factor)

What do you all think?

Perhaps I am a Gentleman first and then a Dominant?

And then again, perhaps I am Dominant, because I am respectful by my very nature,while still used to getting what I want.

Gentleman Dominant

It takes a compassionate Dominant to grasp his true purpose,  while taking on so much selflessly. Additionally it takes an exceptional man to to care enough to do this.

Any man can excite and dominate her body. That is easy.

An understanding Dom?

He can entice and capture her mind while feeding her heart and respecting her soul, and still craving her essence.

With words alone he can massage an excitement deep within her, no other could begin to know is there. He  cares enough to introduce her to the sensual woman she is, and unselfishly set it free.

 

While he may have captured and claimed her? He still allows her to capture her own imagination. So that she may discover that alluring spirit she may have only dreamed of in the past. He also encourages her to experience it and only requests that she share it with him, once she knows it.

 

He will give her a structure which they will share. And create a foundation where they will stand together. All this while building  trust. Trust is not necessarily an easy job, yet incredibly critical for their future.

 

Because he is extraordinary in what he does?  He will find a way to unlock her deepest secrets, and learn her most personal dreams.With these,he  will guide her and lead her to the place where only he can take her. A place where she will, with him, experience the highest of highs.

In this place she will learn to float in the clouds and dance on stars. While he will not actually go there himself? He will still revel in the fact he can take her there. This is his small reward.

 

He can lead her and guide her mind, while becoming the most important part of her heart.

He chooses to help her find a peace and calm she never knew existed, while helping her find the stillness she seeks most. He will respect and trust the woman she is, and it will be his honor to stand with her and protect her for all the days of their lives.

 

He is not just any man. An exceptional understanding Dom, is in fact rare.

Because he does not fear allowing his submissive to learn who she truly is. He has no need to define her, he watches as she defines herself for him.  He is secure and wise enough to stand back far enough to appreciate not only who she was, but who she is becoming, under his guiding hand. He has no need to dictate, he is in charge, he is in control, he can be kind in his guidance and forgiving, because it is his nature. Make no mistake, he will be definitive, and direct when the situation calls for it. For as kind as he may be, he will also not be afraid to dole out that which is needed at the time, depending on the situation. He will also  be the first to tell you , he is not perfect. He is after all a man.

 

There is so much information available warning women about unscrupulous men, and equally unscrupulous Dominants. Perhaps not enough available on truly noteworthy Masters, and how to identify them. They are un-celebrated in their caring abilities to guide with knowledge of their submissive at the base of their focus. Their ability to listen,as well as to hear those who trust enough to surrender all to them.  Accolades and recognition may not be possible or likely. However, If you happen to personally know a Dominant,or Daddy, or a Master  such as the man I described? Thank him oh behalf of all submissives. Thank him  for being the exception. And for being amazing. Thank him for how special he is to you, and please? Let him know how lucky you are to know him.

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I’d like to thank Trish Nielson for her contribution and I’d like to thank all of you reading this for letting me share!!

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More On Spanking

It’s a spanking new Friday! How about we talk about spanking for a moment. Those of you that have gotten to know me, know that there is nothing I like more than giving a good hard spanking to someone that appreciates it. One who can actually come from it. 

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SPANKINGS & DISCIPLINE

 

paddling

 

It is very thrilling for your sub to know she is subject to your discipline. She wants rules and limits set for her and knows that there will be consequences for not obeying them. If there is no consequence then she cannot feel the control that she longs for. Accepting a spanking where the focus is on correcting her behavior rather than for her own pleasure is proof of her submission to you. It makes your control of her very real.

 

There is a big distinction between a spanking given for the pure enjoyment of it and one given as punishment. Though many pleasure spankings are given under the guise of a punishment for misbehaving, it’s clear that the focus is on its eroticism and the “punishment” aspect is just a pretense.

 

Some submissive women would never want a spanking they thought was given as a punishment. For them, it is a completely pleasurable experience and they don’t want them to be associated with a “punishment” in any form.

 

However, there are some submissive women who love to be spanked as a punishment and there are several reasons for this. We all grew up knowing that spankings were given as a punishment and though now as adults we find them pleasurable, the connection between spankings and punishment still remains and can be a very hot erotic trigger for the sub. If she started having spanking fantasies at a young age when having your bottom paddled and being punished are one in the same, they will often revolve around the idea of being punished for some reason, whether real or imagined.

 

Due to societies generally negative view of d/s and s/m, many women who crave a spanking or whipping often have great conflicts about it, wondering how they could possibly be so “strange” or “weird”. It is often not an easy admission to make, so it’s much easier to rationalize the desire for a spanking by connecting it to a wrong doing in order to “earn” a spanking rather than having the freedom to simply ask their lover for one.

 

The Desire to be perfect

 

There is a tendency in some submissive women to be “perfect”. Though this can be an admirable goal, it can often be taken to extremes and that’s something to be aware of. I am now talking about the desire to strive to improve, to make an effort to do the best job possible, and as we know, that takes a great deal of energy.

 

Here is a quote that illustrates this point: “I started thinking about why punishment appealed to me and I wasn’t sure if it was just another way to test limits..or the thought of the luxury of having something to “make” me do the things I really want to do anyway… but, instead, I allow life (work, fatigue) get in the way. “I have very high expectations for myself… I am lucky in the fact that I am intelligent and beautiful…but I think given these “gifts” that they should be utilized to the fullest extent…”

 

A submissive woman like this wants to be “pushed” into making a greater effort with herself. She knows what she is capable of achieving and wants help in making it a reality. To me, this is one of the most positive aspects of spankings treated as a punishment. As her Master, your responsibility is to take care of her and to see she does what is best for her. You need to work with her to be sure her rules and limits are for her own benefit and help her to meet her own personal goals. If structured this way, the focus of the spanking is not because she was “bad”, but rather she is being spanked to help her improve herself. In this way, your discipline of her is another way you can show her you love and care.

 

Here is a quote from a woman who loves the thought of being punished for not meeting her own standards of behavior for herself.

 

“One of my fantasies is to have someone in my life just for the purpose of correcting my faults. He would make me keep a list of all my misbehaviors. Being lazy at work, or late. Eating junk food, or not going to the gym. Being rude to people unnecessarily. I would have to keep a list, and once a week he would come and read the list. Or more. And he would make me describe each incident, he would lecture me about it, he would establish a separate punishment for each offense on the list. And I would be told over and over what I’m being punished for, or would be required to recite it to him. Twelve swats of the paddle for this. Six strokes of the cane for that, you know. He would read them off the list in random order, call me out of the corner at any moment to take my next licking, send me back to the corner afterwards.”

 

This is one of my favorite quotes because it so clearly illustrates the connection between behavior and its punishment. There is no doubt in her mind on why she is being punished and she accepts her punishment knowing how much it will help her to improve her behavior in the future.

 

For a sub, it is quite a luxury to have a disciplinarian in their life and to not have to rely solely on their own will-power. We all have chores to do that are not particularly enjoyable and if left undone it weighs on our minds and becomes a burden. As her Master, you can provide the “incentive” she needs to get what needs to be done finished and out of the way so it does not hang over her and drain her energy.

 

The thought and anticipation of being punished for not doing something is often extremely exciting and this enables the sub to tap into her sexual energy to complete her chores. For example, scrubbing the kitchen floor is not much fun but the knowledge that she’s in for a good spanking if it’s not completed can add tremendous sexual energy to her task.

 

You can also assist her in this by telling her that her work will be “inspected” and if not found adequate she’ll be disciplined. By the way, the word “inspection” is a very hot trigger for most subs. Knowing her work will be reviewed helps her to focus on the task at hand to do the kind of quality job she really wants to do but has to struggle with finding sufficient energy.

 

Punishment as a way of Absolution and Forgiveness

 

Another aspect of being “punished” is that it allows her to let go of any self-imposed “guilt” over her behavior. This is especially important for those women who strive to be perfect and have the tendency to be self-critical. This can be compounded if she was raised in an environment where past mistakes were never forgotten but were continually brought to her attention.

 

When she is punished, she can face her mistake, accept her punishment as a motivation to improve (not for being “bad”), be completely forgiven and then to happily move on.

 

Some Cautions over Punishment Spankings

 

Since a punishment spanking is going to be harder for her to endure than one given for pleasure, you want to be sure she is in the right mental head space for taking one. In other words, she must feel the spanking is deserved, so my advice here is never punish her for something left unclear. Make your rules very clear and specific so she knows exactly when she is breaking them. If it helps, set time deadlines so she can’t claim she was “just going to do it.”

 

Another caution here about being consistent. If you punished her one week for breaking a rule and let the same infraction go the next, you are giving her very mixed and confusing signals which will make it difficult for her to take your control seriously, and this will have very negative consequences to both your roles. She will need to test you until she feels secure you are going to follow through so be consistent — this is extremely important.

 

Preparing her for Punishment

 

A punishment spanking is often more filled with ritual than most any other scene and draws very much on her anticipation of an event that she knows will be a test and challenge to her.

 

Sending to her room to await you should excite her greatly even though she knows the spanking may not be that enjoyable. Making her fetch the implement used in her correction is an added erotic embarrassment. You may want to have her strip in advance and go to the corner to reflect upon her infraction and what steps she is going to take in the future to avoid a similar lapse. Or, you may want to have her place herself face down on the bed with a pillow under her hips and paddle beside her. If you want to see just how exciting the anticipation of a punishment can be, have her wait at least 10 minutes before you come into the room and then check her for wetness.

 

You may want to lecture her on her behavior, emphasizing exactly what she did to earn this correction, and during the spanking itself, pause several times and give her the chance to promise better behavior in the future. This is important as it keep the emphasis on the punishment as motivation to improve her behavior and not because she was “bad” or displeased you for not getting it done.

 

The focus of a punishment spanking is less on her pleasure (even though it will at least initially be very exciting) so you may want to give her less of a warm up than usual before increasing the intensity of the spanking. If you tell her in advance how many strokes she is to be given it may help her to endure the spanking knowing when the end will come. If this is the second spanking for the same offense, be sure to increase the number of spanks so she gets the idea that a future lapse will be met with more severity.

 

As further confirmation of your roles, after the spanking she should thank you for taking the time and effort to discipline her, and then it’s up to you if you want to ravish her or send her to the corner! The point I’m making here is that even though this is “punishment” there’s no reason it can’t end in pleasure for her. After all, she has been “punished” and all is forgiven.

 

Some alternate punishments may be requiring her to write a certain number of punishment lines. This is more of a childhood punishment but is very effective as it has less eroticism connected with it than a spanking.

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I’D LIKE TO THANK Gypsy Rose & Brian FOR THEIR CONTRIBUTIONS!  OF COURSE, A GIANT THANK YOU FOR READING AND LETTING ME SHARE!!!

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