There are many people who have never heard of fisting, or have no idea what is really involved.
There are two types of fisting, vaginal and anal, this article is focused on vaginal fisting.
First off, I would like to bust the biggest myth about fisting.
It is NOT true that your partner must be “well used”, or “worn out” in order to insert your fist.
The human vagina is incredibly resilient, and muscle tone allows women to give birth, but also to tighten down enough to grasp a finger.
Fisting can be an intense sexual experience for both partners, one that requires a lot of trust, communication, time and lube. (I apologize before hand for the length)
The Art and Pleasure of “Fisting!”
First of all, your goal when fisting a partner should be to cause no damage, not just to minimize damage.
Like any other kind of anal or vaginal play, fisting should not cause pain or serious physical trauma.
Pain or severe discomfort is a sign that your body is not ready or relaxed enough for this type of play.
It is extremely important for both partners to communicate to each other about this and to stop if the partner who is being penetrated feels any pain.
Sometimes, even if you have fisted or been fisted by a partner before, the body will just not be able to accept a whole hand, and the best thing to do in that case is to acknowledge that it’s not going to happen and move on to another type of enjoyable play.
Never force the process.
Second, realize that fisting is indeed a process.
You are not going to squeeze your hand into someone’s body cavity without a lot of warm-up.
You can begin with some non-penetrative activities that will get blood moving to the recipient’s pelvis-any kind of genital or anal stimulation that they find enjoyable.
A word of caution, the skin of the vaginal lips, as well as the interior skin is very sensitive, and prone to small tears, unless caution (and patience) is used, infection can occur with these tears.
Things will go smoothly if both partners are patient, and some simple precautions are observed.
First, it is important for the fister to thoroughly wash his or her hands.
It is also helpful if the fistee is shaved, or at least trimmed of pubic hair.
The fister must also make sure that the fingernails are trimmed, and have no ragged edges.
There are four ground rules:
Rule 1: Patience
Almost everyone with a can be fisted.
However, not every vagina can be fisted by every hand, and not every vagina can be fisted right away.
Sometimes, a hand is just too big, and no matter how much lube, relaxation, laughter, trust, patience, time, fun, etc there is, it’s not going to happen.
That said, most people can make it work with their chosen partner.
This does not mean that it will happen overnight.
Sometimes it will.
Sometimes it can take a few tries.
And sometimes, this is a month’s long endeavor.
Each woman’s body is very different, and so is her ability to be fisted.
So do not try to hurry it, to force it, anything like that.
Rule 2: It is a journey, not a goal
Your body knows what is up; it is connected to your brain.
So when you think “ok, I HAVE to have that whole hand in here tonight, no matter what,” your vagina might be like “Um, ‘scuse me, but HELLLL NO.”
The more pressure you place on yourself to have a sexual goal (orgasm, ejaculation, fisting, etc), often times the more it stresses you out, begins to shut your body down, and make it impossible.
Fisting IS another way of sharing “sexual intimacy”, let it be one of those things that is fabulous if/when it does happen, but is not the end all, be all of sex.
Have fun getting two fingers in, fucking with three, exploring with four.
A whole hand is cool, but it is not everything.
Enjoy exploring each other, and if fisting happens, then great.
Rule 3: Lube
People always laugh when I say this, but I am dead serious.
Some women produce a lot of natural juices, some women don’t (for various reasons; allergy meds, hormonal birth control, stress, etc).
Natural lubrication is NOT an indication of turned on a woman is.
If you really want to know if she is excited, and her sounds and actions do not help you know,
Don’t use her natural juices as a barometer.
That said, fisting requires lube.
Natural juices are great, but over time, women tend to run out, dry up a little, your hand (if you are not wearing a glove) absorbs a lot of her natural juices, it gets sticky, there is not as much as you would like.
And so on.
So get some.
Both water based and silicone based lube are great for fisting; usually, the thicker, the better.
I personally love Maximus, which is a gel-like water based, glycerin free lube in an easy access pump bottle.
Sliquid Organics is a great all natural lube, and Eros Bodyglide is a favorite silicone lube.
Make sure it is within easy access, because you only have one free hand.
Pump tops are great; otherwise, remove the top before you begin.
Make sure you have lube all the way around your hand, and keep adding as needed.
If water-based lube dries out, just add water (spit, squirt gun, spray bottle, etc) to reactivate it.
If you still need more lube, add more.
It is very difficult to have TOO much lubrication during fisting.
As a side note, using latex or nitrile gloves during fisting can make it an even better experience.
You do not have to worry about rough skin or hang nails hurting the fistee, and the fister’s hand won’t get all prune-y.
Also, gloves do not absorb lube, so a little bit will go a longer way.
And of course, gloves are great for having safer sex, so you are not worrying about the transfer of any fluids.
Rule 4: Communicate
You HAVE to communicate, especially the first couple of times you do this.
This is NOT the time to try out the new ball gag and bondage.
Talk, feel, touch.
However you and your partner communicate, make sure you do it.
Have the fistee let the fister know how things are going, whether they need more time/stimulation/lube before moving to the next level, or whether they want the fister to go all the way.
Make sure the fister communicates whether they are getting a hand cramp, getting tired, need a drink of water, etc.
You think I’m joking, but when you are trying to stick a whole hand into a relatively small hole, communicating is really important.
Once you get towards the very end, when it’s almost all the way in, many fisters like to check in with the fistee, asking them whether they should push their whole hand in past that stubborn area, or whether the fistee wants to ease them self-down onto the fisters hand.
It can go either way, but make sure both of you know which it is going to be; other wise, it can be a bit awkward.
When she is ready for penetration, insert one or two fingers into your lovers vagina and massage your partner internally to begin to relax the PC and/or sphincter muscles.
It is important to use lots of lubricant during this process!
Your partner can let you know when they are ready for three or four fingers.
You will find it easiest to insert your fingers in a “V” shape, with all four fingers coming together in a point like a bird’s beak.
At this point, your fingers are not in any way in the shape of a fist!
The most intense part of the process, and the point at which many men and women get stuck and realize that they may have to stop, is inserting the thumb (again in a “V” shape with the rest of the fingers) and then getting past the knuckles, since this is the widest part of the hand.
This requires a lot of relaxation on the part of the receiving lover, who may find it helpful to bear down with her PC muscles.
Men and women with smaller hands will find this step easier to accomplish than men and women with larger hands (no surprise there).
Once past the knuckles, the inserting lover may find that the rest of their hand is naturally pulled into the vagina and that their fingers and thumb curl into a ball.
Once the hand is inside, the lover who is being penetrated may want their partner to stop all movement, may want to rhythmically clench and release their PC muscles, or may want their partner to gently and slowly rotate their hand or lightly flex their thumb and fingers.
Even the smallest movement may feel like an earthquake to the person being fisted.
Experiment with what feels good in this position, including stimulation of the external genitals or other parts of the body.
Ladies, once your partners hand is all the way inside you, you may find that you have the urge to urinate, so it is usually a good idea to empty your bladder before you start, unless you are both really into water sports. (Which Can Be Quite Fun)
And do not worry about telling your partner when enough is enough, give them directions, how to move their hand, how fast, how slow, how much, etc.
Guys, no matter how much she likes your sense of humor, crude remarks or jokes are definitely NOT a good idea.
Remember, the vagina is more muscle than anything else, and one good squeeze could injure your hand.
A little movement can go a long way, there is no need for you to get carried away at first and just start ramming your arm in and out.
If you are patient and take the time to let her build up, (usually after several orgasms) she may lose control and tell you just to fuck the shit out of her with your hand.
Guys, you HAVE to LISTEN to your woman, you may be getting a charge out of this, but this is ultimately for HER pleasure!
Another big no-no is the sudden removal of your hand.
It was not easy to get in there, and therefore should be removed with care, again, pay attention to her reactions, know when to slow down, or take a break.
And talk to her; let her know you are there.
When done with care, consideration, and yes, PATIENCE, fisting can be a wonderful sexual outlet for you both.
Lovers who enjoy fisting like it because of the intense connection it can create between partners, because of the feeling of vaginal fullness created by the hand, or because the process of opening up your own or someone else’s body in this way is a unique experience.
It’s not for everyone, and some lovers may find it impossible depending on the size of their body and the size of their partner’s hand, but it is in no way unusual or damaging.
Remember if you cannot physical get to enjoy the intense pleasure and intimacy fisting can be.
There are so many others ways you can enjoy the intimacy and sexual experience of each other.
Fisting is just another way of experiencing the sensual-sexuality of each other.
There may be some pain and discomfort the first time you try fisting but wasn’t that the case with your first anal experiences? The pain passes quickly as the hand slips all the way in, and is replaced by a strange feeling of relief, and the throbbing intensity of feeling fuller than you’ve ever felt before. You will want to just sit with it, be with it, figure out this feeling so unlike anything else.
No sex act has the capacity to reach quite that same sweet mix of pleasure, pain, and endorphins as fisting!
When she cum……..and she will cum, be prepared for the pussy grip of death, because it will happen. She might even flood the room. I have had fistees that had never squirted before in their life all of a sudden become Niagara falls with a bit of fist play. While she is cumming, let her push you out. This is the best way to disengage from the beast within. If you cannot handle the pain of your hand crushing anymore, let her know so that she can assist you in retrieving your hand from the digit destroyer.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST
Fisting can be quite an emotional ordeal for the fistee.
You will feel impossibly close to your partner and vulnerable and raw. You’ll also feel like you’re floating on another planet where nothing matters but the showers of dopamine and endorphins your brain is issuing forth. You can have an orgasm while full of someone’s hand, but the orgasm will seem beside the point, a simple means to an end. Just the intimacy and trust of being that full, riding on the sensations so different from anything else, is incredible. It can feel like being high, post-verbal and dissociative.
Afterwards you feel tired, and relaxed, and totally satiated. You want cuddles and ice cream and to fall asleep.
The trust and closeness that is shared during the fisting is something that should carry over into aftercare. Be aware of your fistee and her feelings, which can run the whole scale from elation to depression and everything in between.
Provide a warm blanket and a quiet, safe, place for her to rest with you close by. Re-assure the fistee!!! Even if she is unable to take a fist the first, second, or any time at all you should make sure that she is aware that it is ok, and not her fault. Anatomy does not always give you a choice in the matter. Holding her, talking to her, allowing time to regroup are all ways to assure adequate aftercare. Make sure there is food and drink on hand as well. This should all be a part of most any scene in our lifestyle.
A LARGE THANKS GOES OUT TO ANGE FONCE FOR CONTRIBUTING AND TO ALL OF YOU FOR LETTING ME SHARE!!